paper thin walls

I cant be a fool for everyone that I dont know
Oct 23
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Flashing Lights

(Dream)

Originally I was supposed to open the salon at 9am but I felt the need to get there 2 hours early. I never pulled the string on the open sign but I still had 2 customers come in early.

The lobby got swamped with random people, not even tanning. A couple with two outrageously, annoying children refused to leave. More random faces crowded the room and I was going crazy. I began to text my mom about the nonsense but when I looked up she was standing at the front desk.

For some reason the alarm started going off so loud. Blue and red lights were flashing outside and I could not make it stop. The kids were jumping and screaming and fire trucks and ambulances appeared in the parking lot with more noise and flashing lights. They weren’t for me. The alarm stopped and the power flickered on and off.

A new customer walked in to use the cyclone. When she turned the bed on it showed a red square on the computer instead of a green one and I knew something wasn’t right. She screamed at me and I told her it wasn’t my fault, something was wrong with the power. She went to storm out and a man outside yelled and pointed to the back. We turned around to see the back door wide open and police cars, more flashing lights, people, a homeless man, and destruction. Outside, an old Chevy.. maybe a ‘57, was sticking out of the back of the building where the bathroom is. Chaos.

I was having a panic attack. The whole salon was falling apart. I started loading up my car with everything important.

JT was no where to be found. I kept calling Remax to find him but the secretary said he was searching for a woman who’s initals were JJ. She told me to stop calling.

It was dark out, I was still panicking. I couldn’t get to anything in the back of the store and nothing was working properly. I couldn’t turn the lights out but I decided to leave anyway. Two guys pulled up in a car but I don’t remember why. Another man pulled up and I think he was a “detective.” He asked the guys for their ID’s and pointed out that one of them had blow on their face. He took my ID as well but none of this accomplished anything.

I set the alarm to the store and told everyone NOT to open the door because the alarm would be set off again. I tried and tried to lock the door but the lock was broken and it wasn’t going to happen. So I said, screw this, I quit. I get paid $7.21/hr and it’s not worth this havoc.

One of the random, stupid guys opened the door and the alarm went off again. I left for good.

I got home and realized that the “detective” never gave my ID back. My dad and the random guys walked through my front door carrying random things left over from the tanning salon.

What the fuck?

Oct 13
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a let her

This message is for Cory James Sigler C-lo the first. However, it is secret. I am not feeling spicy. I ate a box of creamed chipped beef this morning with 3 pieces of toast and I almost died. My blood pressure feels out of control. I’m so hot, someone turn on the air. My dad just made me order a pizza and I did not want it, too much grease in my stomach. I am so bored, held captive in this house with no distractions my mind just goes and goes and it’s becoming, again, more vulnerable than it should be. 1 step forward, 2 steps back. I have this heat constantly pounding an unpleasant beat in my head, go away.

I had a dream last night that I was sort of stuck in through the morning but it seemed to fade away. It was unrealistic, and stupid and i can’t even remember the whole thing. Obviously irrelevant.

I’m confused and sort of lonely and it’s making me feel needy and I hate it. I envy little kindergarten girls in floral dresses and pig tails, so innocent. So full of life and questions.. with play kitchens, (and for me- play tool benches.)

Sep 01
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Daisy

Why does the new Brand New album sound just like Modest Mouse??? I cannot even finish one song right now it makes me feel upset inside. AHHHHHHH Why do they have to make me feel so sad?

Aug 01
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just so you knowwww

i’m so happy and positive today!! although i’qm hungover/drunk and smoked this morning before work…… & Robin Attree has been here all morning and now she’s napping on the couch… wtf? and i’ve had cramps all week for no reason since i’m still on my birth control that shouldn’t really be happeneing…

i’ve been going out lately.. hanging out with people. people act shocked when i show up at parties becuase i’m pretty sure they all though i fell off the face of the earth, which i did. why can’t we all have the best of both worlds?? I want to be with Jon and be happy and go about my day without worries all at the same time. I want him to be proud of me and to show me off like he used to. ugh.. this loss of communication is really hard… but i honestly, truly know that it’s farr from over.

i am so fucking stoked for Key West, it’s pathetic. I haven’t been on a real vacation in 2 years!! A whole week off of work in the sunshine getting drunk with my parents. haha, i can’t wait!!! My diet this week has been successful!! I haven’t been jogging thoughhhhhh becuuase I’d rather be at the beach.. oh well.

Oh and Robin just told me I’m a gorgeous gift from God.. and an asshole. Cool!!

Jul 27
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And fuck these bitches
I swear I care bout everythin but these bitches
I don’t care, I “so what” these bitches
Jul 24
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I’m not the type of person to throw something away because it’s broken or used. I fix it & make it mine.
— Nancy
Jul 23
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I don't think it will ever pass

Brattiness is at an all-time high, but don’t get parental on anyone just yet. Your people are acting like kids, and not in a fun or playful way. The weirdness should pass soon.

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Omer Bhatti

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why do i always seem to be waiting for everyone else? i feel like no one ever waits for me…

Jul 22
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my life

we could be married and you’d still tell me that we’re “not dating.”